A Bicoastal Border Collie

My dog Susie says

Leaving on a jet plane...

Our family, including moi of course, is getting ready to fly out west for an extended stay. I love the beaches of Southern California and all the cool dogs and some cats I meet out there. The only thing I hate about the trip is the flying. I'm too big for a seat and must be caged down in the "hold" of the big beast. It really sucks, but this year my Big Mommy Sandy is going to try something new. She's going to give me a natural pill with something called melatonin in it to make me sleep. I Googled melatonin and discovered that it's found in foods like turkey which makes you sleepy after eating it. Hey, why not just stuff me with turkey?

Being a Border Collie and one of the smartest breeds of dogs, if I do say so myself, allows me to try and figure out all sorts of things I hear and see. It's been proven that Border Collies understand at least 200 words, but Mommy thinks I understand at least 2,000 including cuss words. Boy, if I could only talk.

Arriving in L.A. It seems the pill worked. I don't remember anything except weird dreams about apes taking over the world in the future. I've been watching too much SciFi channel. Speaking of science, did you know that while we dogs hear really great, we don't see colors so well. In fact, we don't see red, orange or green hardly at all. Red looks like brown to us and green looks like yellow-gray. So why are most pet toys colored red, orange or green? Throw a red ball into a lush green grassy yard and it's hard for us to see it. We operate by smell. Also, we don't see as far as humans do. But we do recognize movement up to 3,000 feet. I'm sure glad squirrels are gray.

On our way to the beach, Mommy decides to drag Daddy and me to some kind of spa in Beverly Hills that offers therapies for pets. I didn't realize that I needed to go to a shrink, but she says this is a kind of day-spa for dogs. All-righty then. After filling out some forms a pretty lady shows my Big Mommy what is available for pets. First, is something called acupuncture which uses needles to sooth pain. That seems crazy to me, because my paws have met with sharp thing before. I'm going to pass on this!

This place also offers homeopathy medicines if you're sick. Well I'm not sick, at least not in my body, maybe my dog head. I think I'll skip this too. Next is something called aromatherapy using oils and scents to ward off fleas and sooth nerves. The only thing I'm nervous about is this place, so nyet to this crazy stuff. The last therapy available is hydrotherapy which is basically warm water in a pool with jets spraying you all over. Mommy now insists that I do this whether I'm crazy about it or not. I reluctantly agree to allow myself to become a wet dog and be totally cleaned and massaged all over with pressurized water. However, as soon as we get to the beach, what do you think I'm going to do in all of that warm sand? Can you spell, "buried in sand up to my long neck?" Now that's what I call really relaxing!

Catch you later,

Susie & Sandy

P.S. If you can be cheerful even though you may be in pain, eat basically the same food every day without complaining, conquer tension and anxiety without drugs, smile when you're blamed unjustly, never lie or cheat, then you are definitely the family dog.

To see more barks from Susie go to: http://sandy-steele.blogspot.com

For info on Sandy Steele : http://sandysteele.com