To trick ot treat?

My dog Susie says...

The headless horseman and his trusty dog

Once upon a time a farmer, his horse and his faithful companion, a Border Collie named Lucky, were deep in the woods hunting for varmints and tiny critters to eat for dinner. It was 1880 and there weren't cars, telephones or airplanes invented yet. Suddenly a creature unlike any they had ever seen rushed out of a hidden cave and ran straight towards the unlucky duo. Lucky raised up as tall as he could and howled as loud as possible. The farmer cocked his rifle and fired at the huge dark shadow. It never even slowed down. Soon, Lucky was knocked unconscious and his master was missing never to be seen again. Lucky was so scared that he and his generations of offspring remained hidden in the woods for over 120 years. Until... Sandy found and rescued Lucky's last offspring Susie, three years ago.

Sitting around a wooded campfire this Hallowed Eve were Sandy, her husband Richard, Dusty the neighbors' boxer and Susie. Because of the Indian Summer it was right comfortable this night to be outside toasting marshmallows and drinking hot chocolate. There was a full moon along with with thousands of stars lighting the entire sky. A few minutes later, there was a rustling coming from the blackness of the forest. Somewhere buried deep in Susie's' DNA, she instinctively knew there was trouble afoot! Before anyone could arise it was upon them. Big Foot!

Sandy and Richard jumped up to run away, but instead ran smack into each other and knocked themselves unconscious. Dusty barked once and then passed out from fright. Only Susie remained to combat the enormous creature. Now Susie is much smarter than your average dog, but what about a Big Foot. "What to do..what to do...?"

Looking at the vittles cooking on the open fire, Susie decided that she'd offer the creature some warm marshmallows. Opening her mouth and gently putting two marshmallow treats in her mouth, she slowly took them to the huge animal a few feet away. Maybe she could also communicate with it, convince it to eat the treats and not her family.

After the monster ate the luscious marshmallows, he sat down and grumbled something that Susie understood. He was tired of being an ogre and was actually misunderstood. He was a gentle giant named Oscar and liked to cook. He never hurt anyone is his life and all his relatives had never hurt anyone, human or dog. He was a scavenger and plant and fruit eater. Soon Susie offered Oscar a cup of hot chocolate. Three cups later, the two companions were looking at the sleeping humans and boxer and started to laugh a little. It seems that everyone in the forest is so afraid of him, that he has no friends. Talking with Susie was a real blessing which he wouldn't soon forget. Bidding farewell, Oscar patted Susie on the head and said to take care and make sure to watch out for bears. Bears are dangerous!

Thirty minutes later Sandy, Richard and Dusty all awoke at the same time. Remembering what had just seemingly occurred, Sandy screamed again. They all looked at Susie and wondered what had happened? Where was the monster? Why are they unhurt and alive? Susie decided to tell a little white lie to explain.

Protecting her new-found friend, she communicated somehow with Sandy that what happened was simply a "college prank." It seems that since it was Halloween night, some bored college students decided to dress up in costumes, including Big Foot, and roam around the woods scaring people. Sandy and Richard accepted the explanation, but Dusty knew he had never smelled anything like that before.

The moral of this little Halloween tale is, if you see an unknown creature in the woods, offer them a treat before shooting. But, if it's a bear... run like hell!

Catch you later,

Susie and Sandy

P.S. Mark Twain basically once said, "If you rescue a starving dog and make him prosperous, he'll love you forever and won't bite you. That is the principal difference between dog and man."

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Hold the ice cream sundae

My dog Susie Says

To die or to diet

We returned from California a few weeks ago and I had my regular check-up at our local veterinarian place. Surprise... I was three pounds overweight when we left the Atlanta airport for LA, then mysteriously lost the weight enabling me to sit with Sandy on the return flight, and now I'm suddenly six pounds heavier. Maybe the scales at the airport were wrong? Our nice lady vet said something about me being obese. I'll have to look that word up because I've never heard it before. I hope I still like the lady doc after I know what that obese word means.

Sandy completely wigged out about my girth. No more beauty contests for moi or desserts either. Mom didn't realize that when we visited places on our recent California trip, like the Santa Monica beach, I checked out all the food vendors while she talked to the natives. The people there are so friendly and generous with their food, I was always getting little snacks when Sandy wasn't looking. When she got on the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster, I was scoping out the hotdog stands, and the hamburger stands, and the taco stands, and....well, mystery solved. I hope she doesn't figure it out because I'm looking forward to our next trip back to the warm sand and cool water.

Now for my diet. Sandy consulted with an animal nutritionist(I swear), who recommended the following food regiment. Cooked chicken without the skin, liver, brown rice, apples, blueberries, baby carrots, green beans and peas, fish oil capsules and peanut butter. Now I love peanut butter and meaty chicken and liver, but carrots and fish oil? I'd rather be bulimic. Leave the carrots for the rabbits I chase in the woods, and let the fish oil sleep with the fishes. But since I can't fix my own food yet...I'll have to go along with this until I lose the lbs.

Supposedly, having a loving happy pet makes the owner feel more contented and peaceful. I'll keep you posted on this new diet experiment and if I'm happy? Sandy loves to cook anyway, so now she's really cranked up on the stove. I smell brown rice, green peas and poached liver. Please let that be for me!

Catch you later,

Susie and Sandy

P.S. Sandy and I caught the Jay Leno Show while we were in LA. Jay said, "According to a new survey, 90% of all men state that their lover is their best friend. That's really disturbing when you consider that man's best friend is their dog."

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Gone but never forgotten

Sandy Steele's dog Susie Says

The Apple of our eyes

We left LA and would arrive in the Atlanta airport in the early evening. I lost so much weight running after seagulls and swimming with the dolphins in the ocean, that I was able to sit with Sandy, instead of being held again in that dang hold deep in the airplane. Now where's my cocktail and treat?

Sandy's husband Richard, who is also my dad, met us at the metal baggage merry-go-round, and mumbled something to mom. She now seemed sad and started to cry a little. I wonder what happened?

It turned out that Sandy and Richard were sad this night because a person of great integrity died today. His name was Steve Jobs and he started a little computer company named Apple. I wasn't aware of him, so I Googled his name and read pages and pages of information. Seems he was quite a guy! He was an orphan like me, who also was rescued by compassionate parents that always deeply loved him. His favorite sayings were, "Stay hungry and stay foolish" and "Don't be trapped by dogma."

I love the foolish part, but I wonder what dog's ma's have to do with anything?

Now, Richard had met him years ago in 1980 when he helped take his company to the public or something like that. Dad said he was the most unforgettable person he ever met then or since. I also suddenly realized that the computer I was typing on had an apple logo on it and that Steve had invented it. In fact mom's little music box she takes with her when she jogs has a little apple on it. And dad's flat tablet computer he takes along on trips has an apple on it. And my favorite movie of all time, "Toy Story" was created by Mr. Jobs. And my cell phone which I use to keep in touch with my buddies, I recently met on the beaches in California, has a little apple on it. This guy was an Einstein! He was Johnny Appleseed spreading little Apple seeds that sprouted all over the world. Too bad he couldn't clone himself into an Apple device. But wait, that's exactly what he did. He's Thomas Edison too!

Watching TV recently with Congress and the President bitching at each other reminds me of Kindergarten. They should look at Steve Jobs' incredible life and remind each other that it's humans like him, and a few remarkable dogs, that made America great. Now if Lassie could become the first female President, maybe she could bring us all back together and save the day! All of this deep thinking and pondering made my head swim a little, so I decided to sleep outside in my doghouse. I usually sleep in my parents' gigantic bed but tonight I wanted to be outside with my thoughts, look at the bright stars and watch a little TV, which dad had recently put in my abode. And yes, it has a little apple on it.

Catch you later,

Susie and Sandy,

P.S. About Steve Jobs: Don't lament his death but celebrate his life!

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Where are the cowboys on Rodeo Drive?

Sandy Steele's dog Susie Says

Nip and Tuck

It's Saturday morning and Sandy decides we need to go down to the pool at the hotel and order a little breakfast. Sitting in a cabana, which is a high-priced tent, a waiter delivers our luscious breakfast. Eggs Benedict for mom and grilled sausage and scrambled eggs for me. Now back home, Sandy would never let me have something like this, but we're on vacation. Yummy! I love the "Beverly Hills Hotel."

Next, we go to some cowboy drive named for a Rodeo. I'm very disappointed when I don't see any cows or horses when we arrive. Walking down the drive, all mom does is look in windows while the people just look at each other. Something to do with celebrity sightings. Finally we go into a store that sells shoes and such called Gucci. Sandy has me on a short lease, but I still get to check out the place. Soon, a cute blonde woman stands next to me with a tiny girl dog stuck in her purse. I tried to start a conversation, but all she does is look at me like I'm a hick. Her mom is from France and named Paris.

Sandy decided that while were here in La La land, that she's going to take me to a local veterinarian for a check-up. I love going to the vet because I always get a delicious treat. Now the office for the dog doctor is a lot different than back home. Everyone is dressed up to the nines including the cats and dogs. Soon a nice lady helper takes Sandy and me back to another waiting room. Seems like a maze in here. Finally, another doctor in a white coat comes in and greets us. He explains that he'll do a complete check-up and make sure everything is A-OK. I'm waiting for my treat.

After looking down my throat, feeling me-up, and weighing me, the doctor has a worried look on his face. "Ms. Steele, I feel that we have a number of issues with Susie that need to be resolved. First, her throat is sagging, her belly is sagging, her eyes are sagging, and lastly, her one ear is sagging. How long are you in town for?"

Now, I've had one ear sagging all my life caused from living in the wild before Sandy rescued me. I like it! Kind of gives me character. So don't mess with my ear.

Soon a lady vet came in to join the doctor with an analysis of everything that needed to be done along with the cost. They call it plastic surgery. I sure don't want some kind of toy stuck in me somewhere!
First, I need a nose job because my snout is too long. Second, a tummy tuck is necessary because my belly hangs down an extra inch or so. Last, my "folding" ear needs to be straighten "straight-up" so it doesn't hang down in my face. The hell with the treat. I need to get outa here!

After seeing the "bill" for all of this and looking at my forlorn face, thank God, Sandy decided to grab me and escape this Frankenstein factory. On the way out, I met a white poodle named Pete that had been neutered years ago. His mom suddenly decided that he didn't look manly enough, so she brought Pete in for an operation today. Seems he's getting something called a "neuticles" which is putting in fake testicles to replace the real ones he'd lost earlier. Now, I know what you're thinking, but I swear all of this is true. Google it... if you don't believe me!

Sandy decided that after the stress of this morning, we needed to hit the ocean. While relaxing on Santa Monica beach, we saw a Golden Retriever on a surfboard riding the waves and hanging eight. I swear!

Catch you later,

Sandy and Susie
P.S. An alien from outer space comes down to Earth. He observes a dog and his owner walking on the beach. The dog takes a poop while the man follows behind scooping it up. Whom should he ask, "Take me to your leader."

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